‘Tis a Good Day to Confess

 By Anushka Kaushik (Associate Editor)

 

 

 

 

Forgive me, Admin, for I have sinned.

Go ahead, my child-whose-identity-shall-never-be-revealed. Here’s the link to the Google doc.

Oh, thank the lord! I mean, err, Admin. This weight can finally be lifted off my shoulders.

Why, that’s what I’m here for.

From the outrageous, to the bizarre and to the downright unbelievable, the confessions pages on Facebook have taken the virtual world by storm, and how. Its origins would be difficult to gather but as with every other ‘trend’, the starting point barely seems to matter after awhile. Restricting myself to the great nation of India, I took the liberty to categorise the kinds of confessions people post almost every second on mostly university pages.

a) The  Can’t-Stop-Loving-You Confessions
Without fail, every university confessions page has scores of posts about people expressing their undying love for someone. Marriage proposals, unimaginably creepy physical descriptions with what one can gauge as startling accuracy, propositions to engage in sexual acts and the incessant and some may say, grammatically incorrect usage of the expression ‘Do me’ are just a few examples that these love struck confessors provide to the surprised (and horrified) users of Facebook. So, if you find yourself mentioned in such a post, fret not, exercise caution, feel flattered and move one. Reliable sources tell me this species isn’t dangerous, (not all that much, anyway).

b) The We-Did-Something-Naughty Confessions
The second group of posts come closest to using a confessions page exactly what it’s meant for, i.e., confessing. They express, in glorious detail, their evil deeds with an extensive use of emoticons and a blatant pompousness that would put Colonel Blimp to shame.

c) The  Can’t-Stop-Hating-You Confessions
Defined in direct contrast to group 1, these confessions can entail innocuous comments on a person’s personality to outright and explicit remarks about physical appearances. Basically, it’s for the toothless and spineless who find solace in anonymity to express their rage. If you find yourself mentioned in a post of that nature, don’t go around questioning yourself and all the wrong you’ve done. And perhaps, avoid stepping out alone.

d) The Desperately-Seeking-Help Confessions
Some people have enabled confessions pages to double as agony aunt columns where any sort of advice is asked. Love problems, morality issues, conflicts with parents, all find mention in the entreaties of the helpless and weak.

e) The Be-The-Change-You-Want-To-See Confessions
This group represents the idealistic and righteous of society and assures us all hope’s not lost in this world. They condemn the sexist, racist and stereotypical fabric of confessions and want to propagate world peace (and possibly eradicate malnutrition). I say kudos. They’ve picked just the right spot for bringing about change in this world and we can only wish them luck for their ambitious and noble endeavour.

As far as categories go, these are the confessions that caught my eye and hence my list ends here. This list, however, is incomplete without a special mention given to all the ardent ‘Grammar Nazis’ who comment with such fervour and protect the ‘disrespect’ that people bestow on the English language. You’re (*Your) efforts r (*are) highly appreciated.

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